My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
