I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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