All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize