their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Did I show you my penis last night?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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