wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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