you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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