So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
