My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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