just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
