hotel room ftw
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
