Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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