I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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