You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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