Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
