walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
