I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
