I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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