Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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