Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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