I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
