Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
