pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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