Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
