You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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