if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
