Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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