I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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