yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
