:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
