Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
