If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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