i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
