I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
