just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
