Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
