just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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