So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
