We should be called the Road Head Warriors
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
