he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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