I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
