Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i've created a new STD.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
