Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
