I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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