There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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