haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
