So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
