So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
