If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
