dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
