you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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