from now on my penis is your penis
you would pick up someone in the library
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
