I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
