she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
