I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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