she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
