So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
