you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
