I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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