The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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