I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
