I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
