i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize