I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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