If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
